I hate New Year. I really do. It always seems to point up to me the things that I have left undone over the past year, what I hoped and failed to achieve. (Besides feeling like I am 15 years old at Birkenhead High School and no one but no one will invite me to a party.....oh the horror of that still remains.....)
This year is no exception. I thought the January of 2007, I would be in a very different place to where I am now, both in my professional and personal life. Things didn't turn out as I expected.
Yet that's a good thing in the main. I had no idea I would be doing Nuffield this time last year. Which goes to show that plans aren't everything. (Although I have been having a succssion of anxiety dreams about the research - which is not what you want lying on the sofa bed back at your parents' home)
Still New Year is a lonely time. My sister is abroad and I felt I didn't really get time to talk to her over Christmas. I think about friends far away, like S who will never come back to this country now. I think about a friend that I turned away from last year after I lost patience with the way she was behaving. Should I have just bitten back those words one more time?
But D is here. I'm very lucky for that. I would be nothing without him.
I'm trying to come up with my customary 10 new years resolutions by tomorrow night. I always make ten so I have a chance of keeping some by the end of the year.